An Embarrassing Dilemma

By Mike Simmons

Working in the jail is sometimes exciting, sometimes boring, but always interesting. There are many different areas to work. One of the most interesting places is the infirmary. The infirmary is like a medical clinic in jail. So, when inmates have medical, psychological, mental, etc. needs, they are transferred to the infirmary. The officer who works there is required to keep a close monitoring eye on the inmates. According to their diagnosis, inmates sometimes have to be checked on every fifteen minutes.

Working the day shift was busy. Day shift is when the inmates have to be escorted to court, to the doctor, to interviews with lawyers and investigators, to and from chow, to the law library and to the exercise yard. But I liked it. Busy time is good because working a twelve-hour shift flies by. This is especially true for the infirmary.

Such was the case one weekday in 1983 when I was assigned to the infirmary. This day was especially hopping. Doctors and counselors were in and out, officers were pulling inmates for court, and I had to make my rounds every 15 minutes – just a busy day. Also, the nurses bring the medications around several times a day.

Today, I had something unexpected thrown my way. A class of civilians from the nursing program at the local college showed up. I was supposed to have been notified but was not. In any case, here they were, ready to begin their tour of the jail infirmary.

Now, I honestly don’t care what they see. In order to enter into the world of medicine, you need to be able to handle real-world stuff. And the jail was the place to see real-world stuff.

But…maybe not this. As I was answering the call from the inmates in their individual cells, ensuring that they were given the correct meds at the correct time, and making sure all court and lawyer appointments were kept, we had one particular problem. Just before time for the students to arrive, a male inmate made a suicide threat. He promised that he would hang himself with his bedsheet if he had an opportunity. I knew it could be done – I had seen it before. So, the nurse and I made the decision to strip the inmate of his clothes and lock him in a padded room in the rear of the west hallway temporarily. So, I got him in the room without any clothes on and let the nurse administer his meds to him while I stood outside in the hallway. She left and we finished our rounds.

A few minutes later, I noticed the students entering into the infirmary. They would take the route from the front, down the east hallway, across the back, and return via the west hallway. Fine. They were being led by a civilian member of the jail staff. At the same time, I heard an uproar from the inmates on the west hallway, which is further along the route the students were taking. As I got to the west hallway, I looked and saw our troubled inmate, outside his cell (apparently, I left it open), walking toward the front of the infirmary where the students were gathered…au naturale!

Have you ever tried to tackle a naked guy? Up to that point, me neither. Speaking now, from a voice of experience, it sounds funny. But it wasn’t at the time. It’s not easy…nor fun. He wouldn’t acknowledge my commands to halt (and not present his total self to the group of students).

Now, I know that the students, if they want to enter the field of nursing, are going to witness naked people – maybe even naked crazy people. My concern was not knowing what the naked inmate was going to share with the students, or even for their safety.

Enter the dilemma. As much as I wanted to de-escalate the situation by talking to the man (who was ignoring my very existence), the situation was actually sizing up to be a real safety concern. This, unfortunately, called for immediate action. So, to the amusement and cheers of the inmates watching from their cells, I ran and tackled the poor man in his all-together, just like I had done on the football field in high school…except they were wearing clothes.  There just wasn’t much to grab hold of.

I expected to, at any moment, hear the collective gasps of the nursing students when they witnessed the event unfolding around the corner from where they were standing – about 50 feet away. What would they think? What would it look like? I cannot – and did not want to – imagine.

As embarrassing as it was, I found myself rolling on the floor wrestling with a mentally disturbed naked man, trying to handcuff him, which I finally did. I quickly took him back to the padded cell, locked it, and turned to see the students round the corner. I acted as though all was well, and they were never the wiser. I also expect that, had any of the inmate witnesses told the story, no one would believe it!

Mike